Trying to figure out what I should write about next, digging through my feelings, turning my ideas around and trying to wrap my head around what defines me, I realized I wanted to talk about nostalgia, ‘cause I’m a nostalgic girl.

Kinda obvious, you could say. It’s in the title…Sure, when I chose the title I was thinking that I’m an old-school girl, I love black and white movies, I like reading books, not kindles or audiobooks, I like vinyls and the fact that I have a pick-up, I like landlines and phones without a screen, I like traveling by train and I simply adore the fashion and the care for details of the 20’s, 30’s, 40’s and 50’s.

Then it hit me. I also like the changes that the 60’s brought to the history table, I am fascinated by the freedom of the 70’s, the 80’s seem like an amazing, whirlpool of a ride and the 90’s…well, the 90’s have my heart forever. So I’m not only nostalgic for events and trends that were cool one hundred years ago, I’m nostalgic for anything that isn’t now. Again, that’s the definition of nostalgia, Maria. Pardon my repetition, it’s just the way my train of thought. So, yes, I’m not just old fashioned, I’m a true nostalgic.

I can divide my nostalgia in two main categories: nostalgia for my own life events and nostalgia for places or events outside my life line.

I miss coming back from school with my best friend by my side, my grandma greeting us with love and food. Then we would just sit in my room laughing, talking or watching a movie. I miss making earrings with her after school, I miss the freedom that the first three years of high school had to offer, I miss getting ready for prom, going out after hours, going to parties or summer camp at the seaside.

Besides events, most of all I miss feelings. The security I felt when I saw my father picking me up from piano lessons, the walks we took in the city center, the summer afternoons when we played whatever I wanted and felt so spoiled. I miss the feeling of adventure I felt when first going abroad with my mom, visiting Vienna and Paris, going to Disneyland at eight years old and imagining I landed somewhere in heaven.

I miss those parties or night outs when everything seemed possible, when we laughed so hard our bellies ached, when we drank so much the room started spinning, when we danced like we didn’t give a fuck. I miss prom and all that anticipation, the pure happiness I felt and the sense that everything was going to turn out fine.

I miss listening to songs for the first time, seeing movies for the first time or meeting people for the first time. I miss the endless possibilities of a late summer evening of the great anticipation of a sunrise after a night of partying. I miss discovering France with Erasmus, I miss the city breaks I did with my friends, I miss the first bite of that perfect cannoli I had in Catania, I miss the trip to Milan where we ate the best pizza and found an amazing restaurant with complimentary limoncello and focaccia.

I miss the shivers I felt on my spine when I first listened to Stole the Show, I miss the first time I realized Reality Bites is my favorite movie, I miss that almost-made-me-throw-up-but-in-a-good-way-anticipation of my first kiss, I miss the sunsets I saw from my dorm, I miss winters full of snow and I miss the joy of Christmas presents.

I miss my grandma and her unconditional love, I miss the smell of her house and the summer weeks I spent there, I miss her cooking and the way she spoiled me, I miss her voice and her soft hands. I miss the young version of my parents and the child version of myself. When I look at childhood photos I have a longing in my heart that I cannot describe. It’s a combination of love and ache and wishing I was there and thankfulness and joy and sadness that it has passed.

But the funniest kind of nostalgia I feel is towards places or moments I haven’t been to or haven’t lived through. I felt it while watching Legends of the Fall and finding myself longing for those places and those times. I felt it while watching Midnight in Paris and realizing I’m not the only one. Most of all I feel it when I see photos of movies from the late 80’s and early 90’s. When I see those scenes from When Harry Met Sally I am fascinated by that maybe emptier and simpler New York, by that easier life style and by those more authentic people. I cannot explain why, but seeing a landline or mom jeans or anything from that period gives me a warm, good feeling. Maybe because it reminds me of my childhood, maybe because it reminds me of the version of my parents I found invincible or because life was really easier and more wholesome. Who knows?

All I know is that it’s a good sign to be nostalgic for so many thing, moments, places or people. It’s maybe a sign you’ve lived a happy, good life. Maybe it’s a sign that even if it seems like you haven’t accomplished much, you have. Maybe it’s a sign to be thankful… for yourself and for those around you.