Nostalgia Maria

For a couple of weeks I’ve been thinking about writing a post solely dedicated to my favorite movie. I know I’ve mentioned it before in a couple of posts but, when you like a movie as much as like Reality Bites, you have to dedicate it an entire post.

Being a nostalgic millennial, it’s almost normal to long for times before my time. So, appreciating and loving a definition of Gen X movie came naturally to me. Directed by Ben Stiller and starring Winona Ryder, Ethan Hawke, Steve Zahn and Janeane Garofalo, Reality Bites shows the life of four friends just after graduation, adulting around and trying to figure out life.

From the soundtrack to the screenplay, from they acting to the confusion of the characters, from the story line to some of my favorite quotes in cinema, this movie has it all. Even though I first saw it when I was twenty-one, their confusion and their questions are still valid and relatable when I watch it at twenty-nine. Maybe Gen X twenty-three is the new millennial twenty-nine, maybe my generation is growing up slower or feeling confused more, who knows?

As Lelaina, Winona Ryder’s character, says at the beginning of the movie in her valedictorian speech “The answer is… I don’t know.”, the answer being to a very deep question about how her generation could fix the problems created by the boomers.

Several aspects and ideas stuck with me from the times I first saw the movie, bit by bit. The way they capture the gap between generations during the graduation dinner and throughout the whole script is so atemporal that only shows how parents will never truly understand their children and how the kids will always want to rebel, in any way or form, against their genitors. Lelaina’s dreams and ambitions will never be fully supported by her parents and will always be understood by her friends. That’s just life, I guess. The older generation feels attacked by the change and the new generation feels entrapped by the old rules.

“You better do it now and you better do it fast because the world doesn’t owe you any favors.” This was another idea that, honestly, shocked me ar first. It was like a cold shower. Troy, played by Ethan Hawke, gets this cold shower when fighting with Lelaina. So, yes, you have to be proactive in your own life, you are the only one responsible for your own well-being, for your happiness and for your decisions.

He, Troy, I mean, was my ideal guy figure when I was younger: extremely smart, knowledgeable, very sarcastic, hot, but not in an obvious kind of way, missunderstood, bohemian band member, emotionally unavailable and secretly sensitive. “There’s no secret handshake. There’s an IQ prerequisite. But there’s no secret handshake.” When he said that, he stole my heart and my mind forever. He convinced me to watch Cool Hand Luke, even though my father suggested it before and I was so proud when I understood all his sarcastic comments, such as answering the phone with the line “You have reached the winter of our discontent.”.

Their romantic story is what you would imagine: he can’t admit he loves her, he makes a move, she refuses him and chooses someone else, he gets mad, he comforts her in a time of need, they sleep together, he gets scared and leaves, he comes back and admits his mistakes and his love, the end. A few lines define their romantic interaction. The first that comes to mind is one said during their walk after her fight with Vickie, her best friend and house mate, when Troy, after an amazing exchange of lines says “You see, Lainie, this is all we need…couple of smokes, a cup of coffee…and a little bit of conversation. You and me and five bucks.” I really felt that. Because, at the end of the day, if you have the comfort of a roof above your head, good food, financial security and a close group of friends, when it comes to a partner, I long for attraction, laughs and a good conversation, witty dialogue and riveting exchanges of lines.

Another one would be the moment when he comforts her after a bad series of decisions regarding her documentary. “Honey, all you have to be by the age of twenty three is yourself.” is a line that will stick with me forever. Only now, as I approach my thirties, I can fully agree with him. He’s right. Being true to yourself, discovering what drives you and following that path unequivocally is, I think, the main reason for our existence.

Last, but not least, the final scene: he comes back home, puts his ego aside and tells Lainie about the planet of regret he carries on his shoulders and about his love for her.

All in all, Reality Bites is a movie worth watching. Even though it’s almost thirty years old, it’s so relatable: fights between best friends living together, love triangles, youth’s search for the meaning of life, disputes between generations, how we feel lost after college, how facing adulthood is a slap in our faces when we are twenty something years old and how some good laughs with your group of friends can cure a shitty day, a shitty week or even a shitty month.

Maybe because I identified with Lelaina so much, maybe because she was working in the field I wanted to work, editing films, maybe because she got the guy I dreamt of, maybe because I’m so nostalgic about the nineties or maybe because all of the above, I have this immense love for Reality Bites. It has opened my eyes to new books, new movies, new songs and to new ideas. It has made me feel understood when I most needed it. It has made me feel like I belong when I was confused. It voiced my fears and then silenced them, giving me hope that everything will be fine, even if it sometimes doesn’t seem like so.

As I opened HBO Max wanting to watch a couple of F.R.I.E.N.D.S episodes, the 20th anniversary of The O.C appeared as a suggestion. So, naturally, I clicked on the play button. As soon as the intro soundtrack started playing, I was twelve years old again.

As I closed my eyes and started singing so loud and off key my cat got scared, I could feel what I felt fifteen years ago: the thrill, the excitement and the sense of endless possibilities that watching a TV series about rich Californian kids could make a middle class Romanian girl feel. I could hear Seth Cohen’s sarcastic tone, Summer Roberts’ high pitch voice or Jeff Buckley playing Hallelujah and I could just see the view from Ryan’s pool house.

I realized then how each stage of my life is somehow connected to a TV show, to a movie or to a song. As a certain smell or taste takes us back to a moment or a special person, so do the visual or acoustical arts. So, let’s take a trip down memory lane.

As I mentioned in another post, my first ever memory is a scene from Forrest Gump. But I realized that only years after, while watching the movie for the second time (believing it was the first time). Then, we have Titanic. Oh, how I remember the scene where the cruise ship breaks in two and the passengers start sliding into the ice cold ocean water. I was around six or seven, but I remember it vividly.

From ages seven to ten, my universe was ruled by Cartoon Network. So, The Powerpuff Girls, Dexter’s Laboratory, Ed, Edd and Eddy, Courage the Cowardly Dog or The Cramp Twins would just take me back to those years. Moving on to secondary school, Fox Kids was the alternative, the way to go if I wanted to do a Cartoon Network cleanse. There, I met Louie Anderson and The Kids from Room 402. An honorary mention has to go to the TV series Ed, broadcasted by The Hallmark Channel. This show depicts the return home of Ed Stevens, a New York lawyer. After losing his job and finding out his wife is cheating on him, he moves back to his Ohio hometown to try to get his life back on track. The characters are lovable, the dialogues are witty and the love story is heart warming. All in all, I would like to watch it again.

High school was defined, TV series wise, by Gossip Girl (the OG, not the crap they did for Gen Z), How I Met Your Mother and, of course, F.R.I.E.N.D.S. I remember waiting for the next episodes from week to week and then debating them with my friends (for the first two series mentioned, as the adventures of the F.R.I.E.N.D.S characters were well over at that time).

My college years were under the spell of Game of Thrones and my postgraduate years were enhanced by The Office. Just listening to the theme song of any of these shows takes me back to those exact moments in my life: where I lived, what I did, how it related to my life and experiences and how, some of them, helped me get over certain sadnesses or difficulties I was facing.

For example, the day my grandmother died I spent the whole day in bed watching Tom and Jerry on Youtube. My favorite episodes are the ones with classical music, so the one where they freeze the kitchen, the one where Tom is a conductor and Jerry messes with him, the one where Tom is a pianist and Jerry, again, messes with him or the one where Jerry goes to New York. I figured out later that watching all those cartoons was an attempt to feel like a kid again, to bring my grandma back somehow.

As movies goes, I have fond memories of the first time I watched my now-still favorite movies. From all the romantic comedies of the 90’s to The Usual Suspects, from The Shawshank Redemption to the Harry Potter series, from all the Paul Newman movies (just go watch Cool Hand Luke, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof or The Long Hot Summer and thank me later) to all the Audrey Hepburn movies (How to Steal a Million, Roman Holiday, Breakfast at Tiffany’s or Wait Until Dark, you’re welcome!), they all have a special place in my heart and in my memory.

Roberto Benigni’s La Vita e Bella has a special place in my memory because, well, it’s a masterpiece. Just saying Buongiorno, principessa! makes my heart ache a little and my eyes tear up a bit. Another drawer of my heart is filled by Wes Anderson’s The Grand Budapest Hotel. I saw it at the cinema, in college. I remember we had a mid term test in the morning and the rest of the day was free. So two of my friends and I went to a bookshop afterwards. I bought Stefan Zweig’s The World of Yesterday, not knowing much about the author or the book, just fascinated by the front cover design and the back cover reviews. After lunch, we decided to go to a movie. Anderson’s movie was playing in cinema at that time, it appealed to us and we went. As well as being fascinated by the esthetics of the movie and how it was directed, I was amazed to discover, during the ending credits, that the stories were inspired by Zweig’s life long work. What were the chances?

There are many more cinematic memories to share, but let’s keep you on your toes, just waiting for my next posts (look at me, teasing my audience… who am I, an influencer teasing you with a future promo code?).

I realized I didn’t mention any songs that take me down memory lane. So, music wise, every time I listen to I Miss You or All the Small Things from Blink-182, I’m back in secondary school, sharing my iPod shuffle with my then and now best friend. Stole The Show from Kygo is another song worth mentioning and Vance Joy’s Riptide was the song I listened to on repeat for the four hours I wasn’t allowed to get out of bed after my lumbar puncture.

It’s a longer post than my usuals, I know. That’s just because I love talking about movies and TV shows and memories. I can’t end this post without talking about Reality Bites and how I saw fragments of it on TV1000 and, sensing it had the potential to become my all time favorite movie, I downloaded it and watched it beginning to end just to have the confirmation that it is, in fact, my favorite.

Movies and TV series have the magical power of leaving a mark on us. They can impress us, sadden us, cheer us up, make us laugh or just be the comfort we need on a floopy day. If I were to make a map of my life, every major moment would have a cinematic experience attached to it. How about yours?

After maybe one too many posts about life and psychology, let’s get back to the thing that started it all: my love for movies.

The title may intrigue you, no, I didn’t spell Bambi the wrong way, I just wanted to give the whole Barbenheimer movement a personal touch: you see, bomb and Barbie, ain’t I a smart cookie?

So, first of all, I’m a millennial, that means I saw the movies in two separate days. No Gen Z trends for me this time. I have to stretch, maybe even lie down for a couple of minutes after going to the cinema, I miss my home and my cat, so the idea of watching them back to back was out of the question.

Second of all, being a highly educated woman raised by two highly educated parents (insert sarcastic tone here) it was safe to assume that I would appreciate Oppenheimer more because it’s a historical thriller drama depicting the life and work of one of the twentieth century’s most influential scientist (read here with a snobbish sarcastic tone), whereas Barbie is a superficial comedy about a doll. Little did I know…

Luckily enough, I saw Oppenheimer first. Maybe it’s because I expected a sort of A Beautiful Mind or maybe because I like Cillian Murphy oh, so much, but the movie did not live up to my expectations. The story seemed diluted and the characters were impersonal. I figured out, after watching the three hours of Oppenheimer that, in order for me to appreciate a movie deeply, I need to connect with at least one of the characters or one of the plot lines. In the case of Christopher Nolan’s movie, neither happened. Even though they call him Oppie at times, even though Cillian smiles more in those three hours than over the whole Peaky Blinders series, I didn’t grow to care for him, to empathize with his story.

Compensating for these aspects are, in my humble opinion, two elements: the cinematography, the way in which Nolan manages to capture some astonishing views and frames, and Robert Downey Jr. He wonderfully portrays an Oppenheimer-hating senator and succeeds in really building a character, which I cannot say for the other main actors in the movie. I was surprised with his performance and quite frankly amazed by him, maybe even forgiving him a little (I have a personal vendetta, a beef, if you will, with him because of how he quit Ally McBeal, leaving both Ally and myself heartbroken).

On the other side of the spectrum we have Barbie. I went to the cinema very skeptical, waiting to be suffocated by the pink, perfect universe of Barbieland. I fearfully entered the movie theater as it was packed with teenagers. Dreading that they would talk and laugh throughout the whole movie, my skepticism grew even more. Indeed, they were very loud during the commercials and trailers, but then…magic happened. As soon as the movie started, the hall became silent. Although I don’t think they knew that the opening scene was mirroring that of 2001: A Space Odyssey, they were captivated. So was I.

Even though throughout the whole movie I could sense the feminism, it didn’t bother me. Don’t get me wrong, I do appreciate all the privileges I have, but, in the words of Pheobe Buffay I know! I know. We can drive. We can vote. We can work. What more do these women want? meaning that, as much as I appreciate the benefits, I don’t need to see them all over the place for two hours.

But Barbie was something else. The plot twist was good, the writing was witty, the jokes were on point, the songs were catchy and funny, Margot Robbie was surprisingly lovable for such a stereotypical character, Michael Cera was quite amusing and, the cherry on top, Ryan Gosling, the Ken we never knew we needed: cocky, but sensitive, misogynistic, but good at heart. All in all, a great cinematic experience.

This comparison proves, yet again, how movies can surprise us. The lesson I’ve learnt? Leave all preconceptions at the door when you enter a movie theater, be prepared for surprises and just enjoy!