No news is good news, right? That’s how the saying goes. Well, tell that to Paul Bäumer. No wait, you can’t, because he died and nobody noticed. As sad as the ending of All Quiet on the Western Front is, in some cases, it’s painfully true. As the main character, a boy you grow to love and root for, a naive teenager who tought fighting in the Great War would make him a hero, dies and the war journals don’t even bother to mention it, I realized that Erich Maria Remarque was right. Sometimes shit happens and nobody sees it, sometimes you hurt so bad, but it goes unnoticed, sometimes life is just a mess and crumbles on your shoulders, but Earth still turns and the sun still sets.

So, maybe this was my summer break, maybe it was a lack of inspiration, maybe depression hit me and I didn’t even notice it, or maybe it was just a necessary break. The annoying part is that social media really got to me. Scrolling mindlessly on Instagram and seeing all the happy faces of people younger than me living their so called best lives on the Amalfi Coast was more than painful. Why couldn’t I be there? Why am I scrolling and not “being scrolled”? Why am I envying and not being envied?

This activated my self hate, my self punishment and my guilt. You see, last year I did the stupid thing of letting my ego get the best of me. I put myself in the situation that I am now, I am responsible for my state of health. And it hurts so fucking bad. Yes, I evolved and stopped blaming other. Yes, I evolved and realized how strong I can be if given the circumstances. But I also realized how stupidly stubborn I can be.

I figured out that it would be much more difficult to punish myself like this if it weren’t for social media and the constant influx of picture perfect moments. So, what to do? How to free myself from these cuffs?

Then, I said to myself that Jennifer Aniston was cheated on and she’s not the only one. Then I sat there imagining how annoying it must be to go for three days on the Amalfi Coast and spend two days filming content for suckers like me. Just picture a table full of food and the influencers at the table filming it and stopping the civilians from eating until they get the perfect shot, just imagine having to carry numerous outfits just for those perfect shots for the perfect campaign for the product nobody’s gonna truly benefit from.

So, yes, maybe I am temporarily stuck in this city and maybe, at the moment, my actions are a bit limited, but the people I envied are stuck in this vicious cycle of consumerism and influencing. I’m not saying that they don’t enjoy it or are not passionate about the domain, but they are just hamsters in a wheel. So, why should I envy them? For the stuff, for the press trips, for the clothes or vacations? No, just let them be. They are, just like us, normal people trying to make a living. You don’t judge a lawyer for being ruthless in court, you don’t judge a architect for the expensive project and you don’t judge an accountant for doing the taxes. So why judge the people of Instagram?

On a happier, more cheerful note, one month ago, on the 20th of June, I finally had the courage to free myself once and for all from dentistry. Never have I ever thought it would be so easy, of course, as soon as I made my mind and came to peace with the idea. I am regret free and stress free. This decision was a long time coming and I am so proud of myself for the courage it took for me to take this step.

So, yes, maybe I am stuck, but most of all I am stuck in my head. Maybe I wish that I could wish all my health issues away. Maybe some days I dream that, when I wake up the next day I figure it was just a two year nightmare. But then I think that without these events, I would have been stuck in a job that I hated, always wondering what if. Well, I don’t have to wonder no more. Let the games begin!